The Slave Dragon
Drakon flew towards his cave, the smell of fresh blood from his kill filling his nostrils. Drakon hummed in pleasure. He landed in his cave and placed his kill on the floor. He began to yawn and stretch. As he stretched he looked over himself, his bat-like wings half extended, at full length they would be 30ft long, his body 27ft from nose to tail, and from claw to shoulder he was 6 1/2ft tall. Of course, as a reptilian, the females were about 1 foot larger. Drakon watched as the green-blue scales on his back flashed in the sunlight. The scales on dragons could shine in almost any color combination of the various shades of blacks, browns, reds, blues, greens and yellows.
Drakons back and the tops of his wings were covered with green-blue scales and a pale green underside. Underneath the wings at the leading edge, it was an almost golden yellow and flowed to a pale green at the trailing edge.
He finished stretching and looked at his bloody claws; about 2 1/2 in. long, and stared to lick his them clean. Unlike most creatures, his forelegs were prehensile, allowing a limited use of tools. Drakons tongue was almost to his claw when the world suddenly went black
and he opened his eyes.
Drakon quickly blinked the sleep from his eyes. He automatically started to stretch, and was caught short by the chains on fore and hind legs, his wings pulled at the leather ropes that held his wings to his back, the muzzle on his snout stopping him from yawning. He was in a cage, barely enough room to fit him inside. Drakon started to growl but caught himself before it became audible.
Definitely cant let Them know Ive got a will of my own Drakon thought miserably, Them being the human slave-drivers, they generally beat newly-acquired dragons into submission, but by pretending to be broken, he stopped getting beaten. At least I can imagine freedom; Drakon thought to himself, but by the Wings and Flame Granted Us I wish it wasnt a dream!
Just then he heard a familiar sound, human footsteps. Drakon instinctively felt for his platinum sack and hydrogen sack, a dragons tools for his main weapon, fire. Hydrogen, which a dragon makes naturally in order to fly, can be mixed with platinum, which is generally found in most dragon dwellings, in order to produce fire. Unlike most enslaved dragons, captured ether too young or too weak to defend themselves, Drakon had a small amount of platinum left, mostly because of the way he had been captured.
It still infuriated Drakon how he was enslaved. He had found a cave right after his parents had been killed. After he entered the cave, he had curled up and wept. After grieving for several hours, Drakon had fallen into a mournful and exhausted sleep. Unfortunately, his grieving had attracted human dragon-hunters. By the time he had woken up, he was already tied up in rope and chains.
The human walked in front of Drakon's cage. The human then proceeded to unlock the cage, remove the muzzle, place some meat inside the cage, and lock the cage. The only good thing about being enslaved is that I dont have to hunt. Drakon thought sourly as he started to eat his share. The human walked to the next cage over and repeated the ritual, only with visibly less meat. The slave dragons are fed by species, flying dragons, like Drakon, were fed the most so they could fly humans. Water dragon, longer, thinner, and better built for water, theyre fed just enough to fill their ballast sack and float. And forest dragons, like the dragon in the other cage, were built like water dragons but lived on land, and were fed the least.
The forest dragon finished his share quickly and began to whimper in hunger. Drakon sighed and tossed a chunk of meat between the bars. The forest dragon looked up in surprise. Thank you, he said in draconian, the dialect of dragons, and ate the meat. Drakon sighed again and finished eating.
The human came back quickly and re-muzzled Drakons snout. Drakon sorely wanted to slash the human with his claws. He remembered the first time he was fed; the same human was the feeder then too. He had put the meat on the floor of the cage just like today, and Drakon had begun to eat. Unfortunately, Drakon had eaten too slowly, and the feeder, being lazy, had re-muzzled him before he had finished.
The sound of rattling chains brought Drakon back to the present. A forest dragon was being dragged past Drakons cage. Drakon cringed as the forest dragon stumbled. The rule Drakon hated the most was that if a dragon fell unconscious the dragon would become what humans called dragon chow, where a dragon is chopped up and fed to other dragons. Drakon shivered and then sighed in relief as the forest dragon regained his footing.
The day went by like most days. Drakon was taken out of his cage, saddled, and harnessed several times to fly some humans to some destination. The result was that Drakon could make a mental map, knowing accurately where he was going. In addition to knowing where he was, he could listen to the humans conversations, for he understood human speech.
Drakons father had been an expert on human speech and, as with all parents and child; he had past the knowledge, along with some other thing he knew, on to Drakon. Drakons mother had disapproved of what her mate taught but didnt stop him; instead she taught Drakon how to fight. Drakons mother had been an excellent fighter and Drakon had learned well from her, as well as his father.
Drakon always thought the same thing, if only there werent so many chains, I would tear this place apart. Of course this was only a fantasy for Drakon for he knew if he ever escaped he would quickly fly away before anyone had a chance to recapture him again. Amazingly, his fantasy to escape was going to come true because of a human.
The human was a Fight Master, a man who buys and trades dragons for fighting rings. The man walked by each cage slowly, inspecting each dragon carefully. The man then stepped in front Drakons cage, the feeder trailing behind him. The man studied Drakon for a moment, paused and began to examine him more closely. The man then turned around and told the feeder to unlock Drakons cage. The feeder quickly complied and the man stepped inside the cage.
The man then proceeded to poke and prod Drakon. Oh, how I wish I could sink my claws into you Drakon thought, annoyed. As the man felt Drakons foreleg he said, The dragons muscles are well toned. Your lucky Im chained down or these well toned muscles would be tearing you apart. Drakon was starting to imagine himself free and tearing the man limb from limb.
The man looked at Drakons muzzled snout. The man then suddenly spun to face the feeder,Take the dragons muzzle off. He commanded. The feeder sputtered for a second, but sir
Yes, yes, I know, the man interrupted, Wild dragons can breathe flame, but I have never seen a tame dragon even breathe sparks, and I can take care of the biting. Now remove the muzzle! The feeder reluctantly did as he was told and removed Drakon's muzzle.
The man then started to look at Drakon's teeth. Suddenly Drakon then made a snap decision and took his snout out off the mans hands. The man grabbed for Drakon's snout but Drakon, to the man, and to the rest of the humans, he said, Im not a tame dragon! and for the first time since he was captured, Drakon let his flames lose.









Devious Comments
I need to ask: how old of an audience are you writing to? Your simple sentences would indicate something in the grade school level. If you're writing to an older audience, high school and above, I'd combine a lot of them into more complex sentences. I'd also expand just about everything. The way the information is all crammed up together makes it rather heavy, and doesn't give much room for emotion and sensory input other than the visual. Also, giving the dragon's name so much disrupts the flow of the story; just using pronouns like 'him' is okay. That practice is only really applicable in a group situation, when otherwise it'd be hard to determine who is saying/doing what.
You temd to go back and forth between several things. All those precise measurements, the subculture of the slave traders, and other scientific things scattered throughout detract from the story at hand rather than enhance it. If you want to include stuff like that, it'd be a good idea to only slip in a little at a time. Also you seem to switch back and forth a lot of times, between the present and the time he was captured last, without really making them distinct.
In addition, you don't really make a distinction between what he's thinking and the regular text. Putting thoughts in italics would help separate them in the mind of the reader from the rest of the story. Another alternative is putting the 'thought' verb before the actual thought some of the time. 'He thought that...'
The pace also seems the same throughout, but that may be at least partially due to your sentence structure. When you want the reader to slow down and really think about what's going on and observe, you use longer sentences with more description. During action sequences, or other times when the story needs to move fast, less description, smaller words, and more action verbs are used.
The way you say he "felt" for the sacks makes it sound at first like these are bags that he's wearing, not internal organs. Something along the lines of 'he instinctively gauged how much platinum and hydrogen he still had stored within himself' etc would probably work better.
Also... if he was flying people around, why didn't he just fly away with someone instead of going to his destination? It wouldn't be that hard for him to drop the human off (high up or otherwise), tear the saddle off, and find a new place to live.
--
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons: though you taste terrible, they're willing to bear it to be rid of the nuisance.
Captain of ST email RP USS Wyvern. Feel free to look and/or join. We love visitors!
--
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons: though you taste terrible, they're willing to bear it to be rid of the nuisance.
Captain of ST email RP USS Wyvern. Feel free to look and/or join. We love visitors!
--
"we dragons may look ferocious but we're actually quite nice, so please put away that sword or else!!"
~song-dragons-cavern the place of all dragon writers and poets
--
"we dragons may look ferocious but we're actually quite nice, so please put away that sword or else!!"
~song-dragons-cavern the place of all dragon writers and poets
--
"we dragons may look ferocious but we're actually quite nice, so please put away that sword or else!!"
~song-dragons-cavern the place of all dragon writers and poets
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